I worked at Disney World

Well, technically, it's called Walt Disney World. But yes - I worked there. For a couple of months. I was at Disney's Animal Kingdom as an Educational Programs Instructor.

What's that?

Basically, when lucky-ass students from rich-ass schools got to visit Disney World on wicked-ass field trips, I would take them around the park and chitter-chatter with them about animals and such.

Of course, as part of the job, I got to go on sweet, informative rides like the Kilimanjaro Safari. Oh, by the way, I know every obscure animal in the world. And how long its horns can grow.

With the younger kids (as young as 1st grade), I would discuss survival strategies, asking things like, "Whoa! Can anybody guess why this colobus monkey might have such an oily coat of fur?" And, "Hey! Do you guys think that scimitar-horned oryx would make a good pet?"

With older students (up to 12th grade), I would take them "backstage" and show them the various behind-the-scenes facilities, like the Animal Nutrition Center, in which a full-time staff lovingly slices carrots and celery all day, every day.

In short, the job was awesome, and I was glad.

Until I realized that it was becoming more and more difficult to wake up at 5:45 am, since I wasn't going to sleep until like 3:46 am. And, before long, 3:46 am gave way to 4:24 am, and then 4:58 am, and so forth. Eventually, it became downright absurd, because some nights I would stay up editing videos or writing music until like 6:15 am. I was going to sleep after I was supposed to have woken up. And that didn't work, see...because it was like...negative time, see.

So I quit.